Monthly Archives: May 2010

Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me

Recent events in my hometown of Concord, NH have led me to write this post.  It concerns bullying, group acceptance and teen behavior in general.  As always I am going to right this from a neutral perspective, however it may become slightly slanted as I am a former victim of school bullying in the same school system as the article I have linked below, which is the inspiration for this post.

Back when I was in school there was not the systems in place to prevent bullying that there are today although they do not appear to be working all that well.  In my day the teachers mostly pushed it all away or even worse took the side of the bullies as the teachers tended to think that they more popular kids were right and the outcasts, like me, were not.  I went through a lot of hell in school and am quite grateful that we moved to Maine during my sophomore year.

While I did not go through similar events, my heart does go out for this young man in the article.  This is so much more than simple school bullying.  I understand perfectly the events which transpired here that people on both sides of this issue are not fully understanding.  When you are a victim of bullying or hazing, whichever term you prefer, all you want is to be accepted.  It does get to the point that it does not matter which group accepts you, what you need to do to be accepted or anything like that at all.  Just the perception of having FRIENDS is enough, trust me, I know, I went through all of that in school.

All teens strive for this group acceptance and some achieve it so much easier than others that they do not even realize that they have gone through those trials.  However, some of us are left out and have to fight like the runt dog for the nipple.  Being left out is a horrible feeling, it can drive a person to do almost anything to be accepted despite the risks or damage to their psyche.

The event of the tattoo and hazing involved with it are horrible, completely horrible.  All of the people involved in this, the victim and the bullies, are looking at serious harm to the rest of their lives.  From what is described in the various articles and editorials I can easily see sexual assault charges being applied and if found guilty that is something that will follow these young men around for the rest of their lives.  Now, I am not trying to marginalize the Austin boy’s hardships at all, just laying out all of the consequences that will come to be realized by these events.  I stand firm by my first thought, what these boys/men did is absolutely horrific and they do deserve whatever punishment is passed on to them.

Now, there is more accountability to be realized here.  This student left school grounds for three hours, why was there no phone calls made to the parents or a truant officer?  The school has to assume an amount of blame in these events.  Granted it was a teacher to first bring everything to light, but that was after the events had already transpired.  I am quite sure there were some teachers/counselors somewhere in that vast building that knew there were some social skills issues going on and if not, if by chance they did not know, they are still at fault for failing to help this child that needed it.  A child that was willing to let people permanently mark his ass to gain acceptance…  Just where were the counselors and teachers, on a fucking coffee break?  Twenty years ago I left CHS and the same shit is going on in terms of bullying and what the staff are doing about it.  Sure, after the fact they are willing to come down like a Texas tornado, but what about observing the students and taking the needed steps to prevent events like this from happening in the first place?


And now emotions, feelings and flashbacks are starting to come out here for me.  I had not planned on this happening, but these events have struck so close to home I cannot help it.  My heart truly goes out for this child I have never met and have not even seen his parents in 20 years…  and back then at best they had no idea I was alive and at worst…  well I really do not remember, I have blocked a lot of that out.  I really do wish I could work out a way to be able to go and speak with the students at CHS.  I would not bother with the PC crap about bullying and respect…  I would lay it all open for them, tell them about my history of alcohol and drug abuse.  How I tried to drown myself in sex thinking it would make me into a better, cooler person.  All the stupid stunts and bullshit I did trying to prove I was not the geek or nerd everyone called me in High School.


On my Facebook I keep my friends separated into groups by how I know them.  In my Concord group are a lot of people that gave me a hard time when I was is school, but that was 20 years ago now.  Many, many conversations have come about and I have let each of them know that I have forgiven them for everything that happened.  I have moved on from those years, but unfortunately for that young man right now that is not a possibility and I hope to god he gets the love and support he needs right now to overcome this and does not have to go through the years of trials that I did.

I sign off from this post in tears.  Again, my heart and prayers going out to the Austin family.  I beseech you all to read the article below and if you can, no matter the size, make a donation to help the family out in getting the tattoo removed.  For those that choose not to read the article I am posting the donation info here as well.


Donations can be made to the "CHS Bullying Awareness Fund" at any Citizens Bank location.

  Parent’s Tackle Bully Issue






Posted by on May 26, 2010 in Random


Adventures In The Emergency Room


So, as many of you know, on May 3 I went into the hospital for some much needed surgery and I was discharged on the 7th.  Now, what many do not know is that on the 10th I began a series of three visits to the ER due to extreme abdominal pain.  The visits all occurred over a period of less than 48 hours.  It was not until the third visit that they finally readmitted me into the hospital, although they had set the ball in motion to do it on the second visit but for some reason they didn’t.  Below you will find some of the humorous and yes very true stories of what happened during my ER visits.


During the second visit they wanted to do a CAT Scan, okay no big deal.  Because it was for the abdomen they wanted me to drink the contrast solution, not a big deal for me as that stuff does not bother me at all.  However, even though I did not know it at the time, my bowels were paralyzed;  meaning anything that went into my stomach, stayed there.  So, here I am drinking the solution like a good little trooped and I feel my stomach getting fuller and fuller.  Halfway through and I am just not physically able to drink anymore.  I try explaining to the staff what was happening but they were not willing to listen to me at all, to the point that one nurse made the comment, “Well, if you do not drink it all it will all be a big waste of time and money.”  So, we get down to the imaging room and they tell me I have to lie flat on the table…  Now do the math, overfull belly, flat surface…  Yes, that is right, I pulled a Linda Blair.  It was about at this point that they finally started listening to me some.  It was also at this visit that when we got to the hospital Jenni had to bring me into the ER in a wheelchair.

My first visit I was brought to the hospital by ambulance, that is how bad shape I was in.  During that visit I experienced a true 10 on the pain scale.  It was bad, by far the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life and brother, I have been through some shit.  There was a point during this visit that I was actually in babbling, crying, hysterics;  it was truly a horrible experience.  During this visit I was given three ampoules of dilaudid and was yet still able to follow the story line of the episode of Law & Order that was on.  There was some rather humorous points during this visit.  Now keep in my I am 6’7 and as I have stated before the world is far from being made for me, well, when I was on the stretcher in the ambulance I actually had to have my legs drawn up quite a bit so I fit completely on the stretcher. 

Now, the third visit, I think this is the one that, although I was finally admitted into the hospital, really pissed me off the most.  When we got to the registration desk at the ER, even though she could see my records and see this was my third visit in less than 48 hours, the silly bitch started confirming my address information.  When I told her that nothing had changed she was like, “I am sorry sir I have to ask, I was not the one to see you before.”  What the hell was she thinking?  Two previous ER visits in less than 48 hours, standing there in obvious severe abdominal pain…  What did she think, I spent the last two days moving between the waves of pain???  Once I got back into the ER area, one of the same charge nurses from my prior visits was there, he recognized me right away, got me settled onto the bed and went to talk with the on duty doctor, immediately.  The doctor comes in, basically just rubs his hand over me and is like, “Okay, you need to be admitted, I am going to admit you, just give me some time to work my magic.”  Finally, some people that understood, it was great.  Well, downside, they could not get a hold of the doctor that did the surgery or any of his PAs.  Phone calls and pages went unanswered, they kept dosing me in the ER room, talking with me and keeping me comfortable.  Finally, the doctor gave up and called the general surgeon who was there for my original surgery and had done my gall bladder surgery.  Once he got there the ball started rolling fast and I was finally brought upstairs.

It was definitely a dreadful experience and not one that I want to repeat anytime soon.  However, one thing I have learned from this entire experience, and this includes the original surgery and being readmitted, is that if I ever need to go through something like this again I will be going to CMMC and St. Mary’s can kiss my ass!

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Posted by on May 16, 2010 in Random


Home From The Hospital

So the surgery that I have been waiting to have done for the last couple of years is finally completed and I am into recovery now.  It’s been a painful last few days, between the healing and my body adjusting back to normal settings.  To be honest, I really do think the pain from my bowels moving back and restarting has been the worst of the lot though.  Don’t get me wrong, the incision itself…  incision, hmm, that does not see like quite the right word for this beast.  17 centimeters long and a good inch and a half across and more staples in there than I have ever seen outside an office supply store.  But yea, the incision hurts and now is at the OMG itching phase, but it is dealable for the most part and the vicodin they have me on helps with that.

But the cramps and constant gas from my bowels getting back in order are way off the scale.  Comes out of nowhere and makes my entire gut feel like it is going to explode outwards, much similar to that guy in the original Alien movie.  Sleeping is taking some getting used to as I need to sleep on my back due to the staples, I know there are things I can do to be able to sleep on my side and I tried that last night but it was a lot more pain than it was worth.  I imagine once the staples are taken out, which in the time frame of things should be right around the time my bowels have themselves sorted out, I should be sleeping better, but until then I just gotta remember to take  it easy, try not to over exert myself and move slow!  LOL that last one is the hardest for me at times.

During the day I keep myself propped up on the couch with pillows and a heated rice bag on my back to take the pain away there.  My back does seem to be taking the brunt of this as it is having to support my body in ways it is not used to doing or is not technically speaking supposed to do.  But, as with everything else, I take it slow, keep heat on it when I can and it is getting better and better.

I broke the rules a little yesterday.  At one point I had taken my bandages off and stood in the shower with the hot water running down over my back.  OMG it was great, I did not allow the wound to get soaked or anything, but my body needed the heat and pressure from the shower, it was just so wonderful.  Not to mention I had spent most of the morning in absolute hell trying to get my bowels to move and once they had the relief of the shower was just a godsend.  Yeah, I  know that last bit was  a little TMI, but this is my blog, my place to say what I want.

All in all the healing process is well under way.  I have some concerns that I need to talk with my doctor about when I see him again, but each day gets a little better and I really am very happy to have that tumor out of my gut and am so looking forward to finally being able to get back to work.

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Posted by on May 10, 2010 in Random


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